The brink of...

It's like standing on top of a 40 ft jump, right next to a waterfall...and it's weird to think that all that water glides down all that height and it continues to flow into the lake or stream or whatever it is...and here you are, shaking in your knees, in your breathe, you can feel your heartbeat pounding behind your eyelids and everything below you is a blur...

and here you are...standing on the edge, hoping that where you take off will determine a good landing spot in more than 2 ft of water...

and you listen...you hope God will guide your body as you jump...as you land...

Jonathan was explaining all of this to me tonight...and it made perfect sense. I have been feeling like I'm about to explode lately...and I can't quite explain it. Sometimes I think God's trying to get something in my heart, in my head...sometimes I think it's my fear that's blocking my view of His heart...sometimes I think it's smth I'm really afraid of yet I really desire...sometimes I just feel stuck.

As I wait in anticipation of Colorado, trying to come to a state of restfulness in my heart about everything, I am constantly asking God in my heart...what? What, Lord? The bursting feeling makes me so impatient and all I want right now is to be in a state of peace and understanding...

so to me this is beautiful...