Garlic growings

I remember sitting in the middle of the hallway with only the hall lights to illuminate my Music History Textbook. I don't remember what I was reading at the time, but I do remember it was the Spring of my Freshmen year, and I sat right outside the dark brown wooden door to Morris 329 which had "Rach" and "Catherine" name tags stuck on.

I was waiting for my room mate to return with Meal#16 from Jack in the Box with a large coffee. It was 2 in the morning and I figured that I'd need the caffeine boost soon enough to memorize all-the-way-from-Antiquity to Baroque adventures.

Freshmen year was so crucial to my peers. They believed that it was the time to find themselves. That in some revelatory moment, a light bulb would turn on in their minds and they would know who exactly they were and what they were meant to do. I do not say this sarcastically, but it really was the mentality at the time. I remember talking to my room mate about this phenomenon during one of our many philosophical conversations in the darkness. She agreed with me that finding yourself is a process and it can't possibly all take place during your freshmen year.

It is true that many of the decisions you make will define who you are and most of these decisions come at you like a speeding bullet during your freshmen year. Will I choose to obey the law and abstain from alcohol? Should I continue to go to the same denominational church I have been raised in? Should I set a curfew for myself? These questions are important, but more importantly, it's not about which choice you make but why you make those choices.

For example, I spent weeks and weeks staying up till 4 in the morning and waking up at 8.30 to practice piano. What that equaled to was getting sick often and panda eyes. I then decided that 12am was just about bedtime...and I've mostly stuck to it.

Anyways, the point of my post is based on a recent reflection of a characteristic that I have developed over the course of my college career and that is being non-confrontational.

Of course like any character trait, there is a good side and a bad. A Confusionist would say, try to stay in the middle of that "non-confrontational attitude" which i shall label as NCA for laziness-to-type's sake. This would imply that one should confront when it is absolutely necessary but to have wisdom in picking one's battles.

OK.

Well, I don't think I'm doing a very good job since I haven't had sleep for the past 5 nights, brooding over this constant-water-dripping-issue. One centers around the fact that I've been hurt and I'm too scared to say anything about it. Not scared about what I believe in, more for the friendship's sake. Will confrontation mean the end of my friendship with so-and-so?

My second scenario, while having the same issue, is: should I tell my best friend that I don't think what she's doing is such a great idea.

She's getting married. That's kind of a big decision.

Of course in my Utopia, I would have the dang courage to talk to both of these girls and speak my mind. However, can I just escape the confrontation and forgive them without having them know that I have felt this way all along? Am I being selfish by not confronting these people?

I'm sure in the grand scheme of things, this may be trivial. But I do appreciate what my wise piano professor said,

"It's one thing to agree to disagree, it's another when your feelings get hurt. Then it is not about disagreeing, it's about having no respect."