Mission Impossible

I have been so overwhelmed lately with all that's been going on.

I just want to be a missionary in Colorado. Is that so hard? It seems like everything that I'm trying to do to get there is futile and the weight gets heavier on my heart each day. Should I really be going? Is this some feeble attempt to run away from a summer at home?

I know I want to go. And for the longest time, I was sure that this was truly a blessing to be able to go and to have everything work out so far. But with all the technicalities of not being Baptist, with not being a "member" at a Baptist church, with not receiving faxes and now, mid Feb and I still don't know what my assignment is...everything is so frustrating.

Half of me just wants to pull out right now before the plane tickets are bought. It's gonna cost about $3000.00 to get there and it just all seems so big for me.

I'm trying not to blame God for all this and in fact, it's proud of me to assume that everything will go smoothly. Perhaps I'm just fed up with disappointment and with people being more consumed with politics and technicalities than looking at the heart. I'm sure my heart isn't all that perfect, but I do know my intentions and that is to serve.

Who knew that serving was so hard!!!