A Spongey Beginning

Dear You,

I know it's been quite a while but in my defense I am reaching for an analogy of the sponge. (After all, Jesus was referred to as a Launderer's soap in Micah). Well, the sponge analogy requires some imagination thus work with me here. First, imagine a dry sponge sitting next to a puddle of water coming from a dripping tap. Right where the water can touch the sponge, it bears left (instead of going straight) because there is a crack on the table that the water is dripping on and the sponge is sitting on. Therefore, instead of being soaked up, it trickles to the floor.

For a while now, I have been living life this way. Me, being the sponge, God being the water and the crack being life. Instead of absorbing the waters of His spirit and becoming soft and tender towards His word and His calling, I have been missing out, all because of my selfishness and insecurities.

Many of you may know that I am going to be a missionary this summer and boy has that been a ride. From not having any money to now having more than half of my goal. From having to buy my own plane ticket to getting someone who volunteered to get for me thru a travel agent. From being afraid to now, rejoicing in being challenged. My God, You are amazing.

Needless to say, I am beginning to soak up this drippy water...not because cracks have been filled, but because the water is dripping quicker and only so much can leak through the cracks before it is overwhelmed by the rushing water.

I spent a week in New Orleans and I can't express how much I have felt since then. I finally understand a little bit of what it means to be in awe and fear of God.

I told God that I felt so far from Him. It was the first time I realized that God's thoughts are so much higher than mine. In my eyes, I could not believe how or why this would happen to New Orleans...but I refuse to question God in this manner. Instead, I held on to the hope that by asking "what, Lord?" that I would be used to "tidy up this mess."
(Pic of New Orleans, lower 9th ward)


I spent this past weekend at a commissioning and leadership event in WhiteOak. Another one of those amazing moments. I found myself crying uncontrollably as the hands of my friends, my fellow missionary, my brother and my teacher were on me. As they prayed for our hearts, our mission, our God, I couldn't help feeling for the first time, that someOne was proud of me. And more than that, all those who were there, who hugged us and love us with their concern and their incredible hearts, were proud of me. I have never felt such love.

I spent the rest of the weekend with fellow missionaries, nervous and anxious, even overwhelmed by our responsibilities. One of them being this blog (I will be updating this blog while in Colorado with prayer requests and learnings). I felt no peace last night after our 2 hour discussion about what to expect, how to prepare, what to do while on the mission field. I went to bed after searching the first 3 chapters of the book of Acts and it finally dawned on me...

I had been avoiding the book of Acts for the sole reason of fear. I have never been able to read through it and I know that God has been knocking on my heart to read it. Through conversations, sharing and the constant "read Acts," I finally confessed to my bro, Bradyn, that I am just fearful of what God will say to me through this book.

Last night I had revelation #1. God is using this book to encourage me! In Chapter 3, the story of healing that Peter and John were involved in...man, it hit me hard. I came to the understanding that it is truly God's power that helped them minister and perform miracles to those who were broken. When they ask why are you surprised? It is God! I realized that one of the key attitudes a follower should have is humility. (Pic of JJ who found a waterlogged Bible in the lower 9th ward, in front of the house in the previous picture)

Miracles...they happen.


Today, amidst praying with those who will work with kids this summer, those with non-believing parents, those who are fearful and anxious, I found peace. Peace in knowing that Christ is working in all of us. Peace in believing that my heart is absorbing the water that is flowing from Him.

Through forgotten convictions
Misplaced Affection
I'm losing the sound of Your voice
I've been chasing after emptiness
Trying to tidy up this mess
I swear I've been down this road before
I want to get back to where it all begin
Where I would long for only you

Like a child I take you at Your Word
As this mountains of doubt
they fade away
I'm longing to trust and love You more
So for me this is beautiful
A brand new thought and a brand new world
Can I stay here forever
here with You?

-Starfield