Going with God

So I have tons of nervous energy for the flight tomorrow! AH!

I got to spend time with my best buddy today and it was soooo goood. Some things in life are so wholesome...like chocolate milk or ginger snaps. It's amazing. Kaitlyn and I laughed till our faces were red and stomach were hurting about everything from sideburns to awkward moments. It was fantastic. It made me so thankful for the richness in life that God gives us.

I woke up this morning not too happy. I had a horrible dream about someone I have tried really hard not to think about for a long time. I immediately knew that I was being spiritually attacked. After all, I am doing a very intentional God-summer and it is not unlike the evil one to want to tear me down.

I woke up discouraged but at the same time aware that I could not dwell on such things. I broke into a prayer as soon as I woke up and found my peace in cleaning, documenting my New Orleans trip, worshipping God through Starfield music and just resting.

I read a chapter on the Sabbath last night from Louie Giglio's book. He pointed out how God did not really need to rest on the 7th day. I mean, He IS God, right? Omnipotent and so on. So what was God trying to show Adam and Eve when he asked them to rest?

To look up.

The Sabbath is a day needed. Not an option.

If you know my living habits--which really means, if you're Courtney Marshall-- you know that I take the Sabbath seriously, in that, i SLEEP! Yes, homework aside, I use my Sunday to sleep in the noon time and then work later that night.

Not exactly the Sabbath Giglio is talking about here.

The Sabbath isn't just about rest, it's about thankfulness. It's about being in wonder of God's beauty and His creation. It's about being STILL and loving every moment that you feel awkward because you hear weird blue bird sounds =)

It is beautiful.

So, only a couple more hours before I leave for Colorado. I've got 2 bags packed and a whole lot of nerves! I just kinda wanna get there and skip the travelling part...but I will take that time to admire God's beauty. From what I hear, Colorado is absolutely breath taking. So before being overwhelmed by God's beauty in that sense, I plan to captivate the beauty right here at home. Here are some pictures around Charlotte for you to enjoy.

Note: I will not be sending out emails as frequently as I will be blogging. Please write me! And thanks for all of your support thus far! I love you all!

it takes 2!

I have NEVER in my life, checked 2 bags!! but looks like i'm going to have to....ack!

Warm Fuzzies!

My Tea Came....I feel like....

(in picture, Jamie's card that brought me thru exam stress and my fave tea)

To pray

As the journey of packing continues, I've been enjoying my afternoons laying out in the sun, reading Louie Giglio's I am not but I know I AM which has been convicting and thought-provoking all at the same time. However, it's not his words that have been lingering in my heart but rather Oswald Chambers'.


When I graduated from high school, my church's youth leaders gave us Oswald Chambers or like I rather call him, Waldy, as our graduation present. All through freshmen year, I did my devotions based on his words in My Utmost for His Highest. It was such an amazing time of growth for me. I learned how to apply the Bible in my life. I told myself that I would start re-reading it in preperation for my senior year and throughout my senior year and reflect on the notes I have written on the tiny margins.


Though there have been none for May 21st and May 22nd, there have been heart-tugging issues. I read yesterday that God is not concern about our prayers as secret wishes but rather, our prayers as it brings us closer to the wisdom, discernment and heart of God.


Just before I left S'burg, Robert Hargrove spoke at Sunday school about prayer. He opened up with the question, "How long can you go without thinking about yourself?"


I find myself in constant prayer about me. I. ME...yeah...


And this is a habit I'm trying hard to break. What does it mean to pray for someone who's across the continent or for the hungry and for the poor? I remember thinking that I could never do something like that...pray for someone I don't know who's starving in Africa or in Asia. Do my prayers really matter?


Throughout this year, God's taught me a little more about praying for His people, not neccessarily my friends. And this simple idea of praying for others, has led me to missions.


I remember sitting inside Converse's chapel, praying with Andrea Stokes, for the children in South East Asia who are forced to be prostitutes by their parents to have enough money. Young children. Girls AND boys. I remember holding prayer cards for a young boy of 12 years in Myanmar who is asking for prayer, to stay out of the child-prostitution arena but may have to eventually enter it because of poverty. I remember having the broken bread meal, remembering those in Africa who survive on corn porridge and water, 3 meals a day. I remember watching Invisible Children at First Baptist Spartanburg along with 50 other 6th graders. I hear about Argentina from Jenny, About 12 year old girls who have pregnancies on their mind and I become protective over my 6th graders.


Life is disappointing.


BUT


even if we're not all called to be missionaries, we can pray! Pray for others!

"...joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer"
Romans 12:12

Cheese it

HELLOOO!!

Today's been perfect! Nothing like eating Salsaritas' quessadilla with a half numb mouth from the dentist! If I were God, I'd laugh at myself pretty hard...but at the time, I was trying to make sure my mouth was big enough to stuff the food in coz it was collapsing in my hands. Those who know me, I eat quessadillas without the queso coz I'm lactose intollerant. Courtney would understand...so really, "my food don't stick." Anyways, I ran tons of errands and finally got all the stamps that I need for Colorado. I only bought 20 maybe coz I'm of little faith so you all better prove me wrong and write me!

I got a thrilling email from Pastor Issaacson at Trinity Baptist in Colorado. Here's some info you'd like to know:

May 30th-- Arrive in Denver and will be heading to Camp Panderosa for a "getting-to-know-you-getting-to-know-all-about-you" time...i love that song!

Then we'll be headin to Gunnison the next day to sight see!!

I will be staying with a girl I've talked a little to...her name is Chasity. We are staying with the Assistant Christian Challenge Driector, in her new home which is six blocks from the church. The other 3 girls will be staying at an apartment at the University on the other side.

On Sunday morning, I will be either with the 1-2nd or 3rd graders or a young coed class. The next Sunday, I will be working with Chasity on the Children's church which happens during the church service...yahoo!

Every Wednesday nights, I will be working with another girl named Ashley, on the youth program which includes worship so that will be exciting to be able to do that! My heart has truly been on worship lately!

Anyways, hope that's helpful!

Now I gotta bond with parents and American Idol. I still can't seem to pack right. I need a bigger bag...ugh! Enjoy this map. I thought I'd put it up coz I keep telling people GUnnison is on the LEFT...that's all I know..hahah..here it is:

Moose and Mrs

Yay!


School's over and I'm finally back in Charlotte, waddling through all the unpacking and sneezing like a crazy rhino. Amidst breakfast on the deck with my trusty cup of tea (yes, I've given up coffee...*sigh*) and Goober & Grape on Wheat Toast, I try to memorize what Charlotte smells like.


Only 8 days until I leave for Colorado and I'm already packing! I am packing too much. That's weird for me to say since I usually do a good job with bringing the minimal...but since I've never been, I have no idea what to expect, what temperature etc. So far, many have told me of the dry air and the beautiful scenery but more than likely, even with the temperatures being in the 80s, I'll be cold...haha


So I bought Tea! Jamie would be thrilled. I just ordered 40 tea packets from Harney & Sons. PARIS! I don't think I'll live without it this summer! So to those whom have supported me financially this summer, $20 is going to tea!! Thanks!!



This is a Black Tea with fruit and Caramel. Smells lovely and is perfect for a great start to the day! Try it!

I finally got my packet of information from Colorado which includes what we will be doing on a daily basis and magnificent pictures of Gunnison. I look at them reluctantly, wanting my first sights in Gunnison to be a surprise! However, I did notice that fly fishing is a commodity and so is Elk. Who knew? Maybe I'll get to see a Moose! I hear they are big.

Anyways, I will be in charge of doing music and songs for the VBS that starts in June. I'm really excited! I was thinking about all the things I got to do last year with the kids at Starfish, like dancing with ribbons, teaching them the graduation song though the lyrics were really hard for them to pronounce, which was part of the fun!! I thought about buying stickers as a form of reward but I'm gonna hold out till I have more specifics! I'm soooo excited to be able to hang out with kiddies and do music! YAY! More details soon!

Anyways, I will be blogging more frequently this week, to update Y'ALL(ha ha) on the packing and the nerves. So far so good. I'm still recovering from a crazy semester, graduation, leaving Mr. Pillow in Spartanburg(yeah, might have to drive down to get him), and Nikki's wedding. Craziness!

Here are some pics from the wedding and other random shots with my new camera that I was also blessed to purchase also thanks to your financial support!

(Picture 1= Nikki and her Dad, Picture 2= Therese and I at the wedding reception)

It's gonna be an awesome ride!

Letters in a shoe box!

Here is my mailing address in Colorado:
Please write!
I will be there May 30th- Aug 4th

523 N. Pine Street,
Gunnison, CO 81230

Over my Head

Lately, I've been consumed in thought or not thinking at all.

It's strange. I find myself taking long walks with my slippery flip flops; sitting outside and staring at the grassy lawn; driving endlessly with street lamps reflecting their lights on my windshield. I'm drowning my world with music. I'm driving under the speed limit.

I feel so drawn to hearing the heart of God and yet, there doesn't seem to be a way to express it.
I've been taking alot of photographs of people, trying to embrace the beauty in eyes and hands and just...life...and it makes me feel even more overwhelmed by God's creation.

I played a jury last week and it was the most heartfelt jury I have ever played. Dr. Weeks came up to me later and encouraged me to continue music next year, something I thought I would dread but I've finally realized that music has become a part of me...it expresses the deepest part of my soul and I can't stop it.

I led worship last week in Chapel and I felt so lost for words if it weren't for the already composed lyrics. I could not even begin to express the intensity I felt in my heart. All I could do was express it through music...but it wasn't nearly enough.

God, I am so ready. So ready for more.

"ruined for anything other than your love"

-starfield

I think part of why I'm feeling so desperate for something more is the fact that I've realized how disappointing life can be. The people you love the most...can be the ones who hurt you the most. I talked to my mom this past weekend for mother's day, hoping for a time where I could express my love towards her and the fact that I miss her. All I got in reply was the endless gossip of family matters which put me in such a funk. It's times like these that make me feel so glad that I am far away from it all.

I was thinking in the shower the other day, perhaps this is why God brought me to the States. My life would have been so different if I were home. I think I would be really depressed. My sister detected signs of depression in me when I was in my teens and I really thank God that I was able to overcome those years...it still makes me sad that my mom and I are worlds apart. I can't seem to relate anymore and it's so hard because I love her so much. I want to tell her about my mission trip, about what God's been doing in my life. I want to show her my photographs and I want her to see me serve God through the worship band at Sunago. Yet all the stories I tell her are so meaningless because she's not here. How can I go back to where I came from without feeling like I have to turn 180 degrees and go back to 5 years ago?

After this past visit to Malaysia, I considered going back permanently after completing my studies. I missed my family so much and seeing my niece growing up put such a joy in my heart. Yet I still struggle in finding a balance between my life in M'sia and the life I lead now. On one hand, my faith has grown immensely since I left and yet on the other hand, there is so much distance in my precious relationships. I keep questioning God, why can't someone just understand?

I find my peace in just trusting that someday, they'll understand.

the next step

I'VE GOT TICKETS! I've GOT TICKETS! I've GOT TICKETS HEY HEY HEY HEY!

now, just to finish exams and pack!

Emails as part of the process

Selamat Hari Ahad! (Happy Sunday)

I've been sending out emails about Colorado and here was my latest update. I hesitated to send it because it was sorta "bad news" and I've been panicked since all of this has been going on. But how amazing it is to hear encouragement from amazing people in my life. I can't even explain what the heart does. To those of you wanting to be on the email list during the summer, please reply in the comments to my posts. Thanks


Please pray for plane tickets. Things fell thru with the Travel Agent so I'm waiting to hear from Chad Stillwell about tickets. Am a little anxious about it, my heart broke when I heard the news but it's just another reason to keep focusing on God and spend time in prayer.

I had been reading the book of Acts as preparation for Colorado. I've learned that carrying the gospel on your shoulders is such a hard and painful task. No room for doubts. No room for disobedience. I am constantly amazed at what Paul had to go through once he converted. I read about him in Thessalonica this morning and how he was basically being hunted down for the words he was preaching, but the Bible never fails to say that many came to know Christ in the midst of all this. I can't imagine the fear that Paul had while being pursued but I think about David and what we know of his writing when he was being pursued by Saul and I realize that it's ok to be scared...i like this: "Courage is not the absence of fear, it just means that something is more important than what you're afraid of" -princess diaries2

so yes, i'm pretty...ahhhh! about it all, but right now, for me, it's more important to complete the task God has laid out in front of me, with the faith that I WILL get those plane tickets *wink*

I love you all!


Here are some amazing replies of encouragement



Hey Rachie,

As your "Mom," one who has experienced the excitement of letting God do his thing, I will just encourage you to lay yourself bare before him and allow him to show you how truly amazing he is. God will make you laugh for sheer joy as he brings everything together to reach his goal. We are just lucky enough to be able to participate in what he has planned. During times when I thought my world had ended, and there have been several, God used those times to reveal to me aspects of his character that I had not truly owned, only heard about from others. This process of trusting and watching things shape up differently than you would have them is a tremendous training ground that will enrich your life beyond measure. And the day will come when you will be able to rest on the assurance that God is so indescribably all sufficient that you will be changed. And you will encourage others who have not walked there yet. Life is so much more an adventure with God in control! Can't wait to see what he does next!!


Rachel,

Thank you so much for your email. It reminded me of a man that we ran into yesterday while we were doing a show (SpringFest in Mt. Holly, NC). He had the booth next to us, actually it was just a table set up with a sign that said 'FREE BRACELETS" on it. I don't know what they are called but they were the bracelets that have a black bead, red bead, white bead, etc. and as people came up he would explain the gospel to them. Rachel, he brought 35 people to Christ yesterday!! He made it look so easy, but to me it is so hard. And he did it all with free bracelets. God works in mysterious ways. Maybe bracelets would work for you too. He said they cost him 9 cents each to make. Just an idea! Who doesn't like something for free?

May!

MAY IS HERE! I LEAVE FOR COLORADO soon!

Am I excited? Yes, incredibly! I have about 12 more days of school, about 18 days before I'm home and about 26 days before I leave...yiipeeeee!!!

I've been waddling thru the book of Acts and I must say, it is quite and experience. Who knew that one experience with God could change the course of history. Praise God for His presence.

I am currently writing a short creative essay (so far it's 5 pages...so not really short) about my experience in New Orleans. It really is so haunting...I still can't get some images out of my head and still struggling with certain things in my heart. What's amazing is that so far in almost all my classes and with a few of my close teachers, I've been able to share with them my experience.

Last week in my religion class, I shared a little bit about "fearing God" and "trusting God." It was the first time I actually incorporated my personal beliefs and struggles regarding those issues to a non-believing professor. I was nervous but I felt guided to do so. Today she said in class, "I've been thinking about what you said, about trusting God..." and gave a really Biblical view about it. I was surprised and really...amazed that God would let those things linger in her heart and mind. Yay!

I'm so glad God uses these things and it truly is like seed planting because though it may be dormant, it can never be forgotten...

I do however, have some prayer items if you would be so kind...

Please pray for plane tickets!
Please pray for all the confusion with where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing coz I still haven't gotten any info...=/
Please pray for health! I am basically allergic to everything...
Please pray for these last days in class and school. I am taking 19 hours this semester and now is crunch time for tests, papers etc.
Please pray that I will get sleep! I have been up doing papers like a mad person...why do teacher assign all 6 at ONCE?!

Thanks muchly! I will update soon!