Time Lag

Everything is beautiful, even when the tears are falling.


Since our mission began in Colorado, all 5 of us have had to encounter trials happening far away from us. My roomie Chasity was homesick and wanting to leave for the first 2 weeks. Each day was filled with tears until she made herself sick, throwing up and taken to the doctor. Then I found out Robert Hargrove was moving and that broke my heart. I've learned not to be too attached to people for fear of them leaving but I sometimes, people walk in your life and you cannot help how much they inspire you, teach you and make their way into your heart. I fear abandonment, I have always. And strangely enough, though I know the Hargroves were not abandoning us/ me neccessarily, the hurts of my past, being left by my father, being broken up with, being shouted at by a drunk friend, they all rose from their graves. I had to relive those scary moments in my life and remember that God is still God.

Soon after, Hope found out that her parents lost the house they had put a down payment on. Then Ashley's friend Brooke died in a freak accident at a parade where a car spun out of control and ran into a crowd injuring 18, killing 7. Brooke at 18 years of age was one of them. Today we found out that Callie's dad has cancer. He was admitted into the hospital last week for what they thought was a heart attack. Turns out that he has spots in his lungs and his brain. They don't know what kind of cancer it is.

So many trials.

Amidst that, I know that God is sovereign. He is in control. But I know that this is a time for testing for all of us. Are we going to hold on to His hands or simply let go?

I came to Colorado seeking healing. I knew that this would mean that I'd have to confront all the hurts and wounds of the past. Each week there seems to be something new that God lays on my heart. But with each hurt, there has been verses from the Word, encouragement from my mentor here, music that helps me breathe again and the mountains that constantly decorate my view. I remember that hope never fails us because our hope is in Christ.

I can't believe how much God has already taught me. I have become more discipline in memorizing verses because of something Joe Ricks, my supervisor said. He said that we can never know when we are going to be faced with trial but we can do whatever it takes to be prepared for it. Spending time in prayer, seeking His word, memorizing/hiding scripture in our hearts. We can do that.

My mentor said that we, people in ministry, we are at the frontlines of the battle with the enemy. Each day, we have to equipp ourselves with our weapons, discpline ourselves in the Word and be ready. Soldiers do not know what mission they will have till the day of or hour of, but they spend all that time in training to be prepared.

I've learned that knowing who your God is, is so important during trial. Because when all else fails, knowing how big your God is, what He can do, will bring you hope.

I have had lots of time to learn, but not enough to reflect and that's prob why I haven't written alot. Most of the time, I find myself sitting in a grassy field or laying under the stars on a mountain and just appreciating what I see...knowing that my Creator did this all for me.

It's overwhelming.

So I encourage you, reader. Remember the beautiful in the pain. Because it is where God's hand meets your heart.

I love you all!