How can I keep from singing?

This past week has been pretty amazing. It's truly wonderful to know that God knows our heart and the very ache of it. I found myself in a routine of work around the church each week and though I know that it blesses those who usually do these tasks around the year, it was so great to get away from all of that.

I went to New Orleans for a week for MissionLab which is a program run by the NO Baptist Theological Seminary. The work that they do comprises of gutting houses, working at foodbanks and the like. I was able to visit some sites while I was there and take photographs. Basically, all that my heart loves to do. The Sunago band also reunited and I must say, a week with boys can be a little stressful sometimes. It was however, a blessing to lead worship with Robert, Jimmy and Will.

My heart was so inspired by the ministry that has been blooming down there. Part of me wants to be in the middle of it all. My heart longs so much to be there. Yet I continue to seek guidance and direction from God for the coming years. I don't want to end up doing something easy or convenient yet somehow I feel like I have a lot more to learn about ministry.

I have about 10 more days left here in Gunnison and I'm starting to feel burnt out. There is much to contemplate and think about especially dealing with ministry. I have been on mountains and in valleys...both literally and spiritually. But my image of God has changed much since I first came here. I learned that I should choose to trust God no matter what, before I even get tested. And when I am tested, to take the high road and not be discouraged. I used to panic when the hard times come and then seek God's direction but now I've learned otherwise.

I have learned that sometimes, people just misunderstand and there's really nothing you can do about it. But in the midst of that, to find peace even when injustice has been done. It is so hard, but only God can vindicate.

I've learned that memorizing scripture allows it to forever change and minister to your thoughts and your heart. I memorized Ps 139 which I thought I could never do. In the midst of my storms, I have recited it and each time, a different verse would hit me and mean something I never thought about.

I was reminded of Ecc 3 where the teacher talks about seasons for everything. My fave used to be "a time to mourn and a time to dance" which inspired my support letter. A week ago, I was inspired by "a time to search and a time to give up."

In a sense, I have come to the point where I am ready to give up searching in so many areas of my life. Be it ministry, friendship, reconciliation, understanding. It all boils down to the fact that I am not my own and I am not living for my own gain.

I've never been so sure of my heart. Of my God.

Pastor Willie asked us a week ago, what is your life's goal. A friend said, To glorify God. Though in all we do, we should, I have come to the conclusion that my life's goal is to KNOW God. It is when you know God, even just a little bit of His heart and His character through His word or circumstances He has brought you through, that you feel complete.


Whole.


His.


"How Can I keep from Singing Your praise?
How could I ever say enough?
How amazing is Your Love
How Can I keep from shouting Your name?
I know I am loved by the King
and it makes my heart want to sing."

Flexibility

Last week at Christian Challenge which is Gunnison's version of BCM, we learned about flexibility. As an illustration, Tim, who was presenting, decided to change the location on us, without us knowing. So we arrived at Joe Rick's place, where we normally have CC, only to bump into Eric and Nick on the way there. They said that the location had been changed to Trinity. So we drove all the way back into town to Trinity only to see another sign saying it had moved to Tim and Jerri's place.

At this point, we had figured out what was going on. So me in my lil blue mini van with the 4 other girls followed Nick and Eric to the location. They taught about what it means to be flexible. One of the things Joe said was that ministry is rather inconvenient and that we should always be flexible.

Well, me being miss punctual was rather annoyed in the car before i figured out that this was all a "joke" but seriously, it taught me about how inflexible I am sometimes.

So on Sunday, we had a youth mission group come from Missouri and that night I found out that our plans for the whole week would be changed. First, we were only going to help at the carnival and minister to the carnival workers which I've been so excited about. This would mean we would have a rather light week. Well, turns out that the group wanted to do a BackYard Bible Club With us and also a Youth VBS. Oh the memories of VBS. Though it was a great week, it was so tiring.

So I was grumpy. I had to call everyone and set up vans to get the kids in the morning, ride the routes to show the missionaries where all the kids live and etc. OF course I wanted to be all grumpy about it but I remembered the talk about flexibility and also remembered what my mentor, Miss Becky said. She said that even if it's a short time, when you pour your life into someone else's, it never goes to waste.

I also wanted to report a praise. I have asked many of you to pray for the Cottens, the family that I've fallen in love with. Well, I called their mom after I sent you all my email and she agreed to allow me to teach the Bible to her kids. PRAISE GOD!

I visited the Cottens on Sunday to see the kids and the mom wouldn't even let me into the house but I got to ask them about some of the Bible readings that I gave them to do. Donovan, the oldest twin who said his fave guy in the Bible was Moses because of the Ark (we straightened that out later), actually read about Noah and knew about the Rainbow. It's a miracle

This I've done in Colorado...

1) Seen Polar Bears

2) Gone fly fishing

3) Saw my sunrise across Mt Elbert June 30th 2007

4) It snowed on my birthday...never really asked God for that but it was pretty amazing nevertheless

5) Got a free donut from a family we are trying to minister to

6) Fallen in love with the love of my life, Drew Isaacson

7) Hiked to 12,500 ft and I now know what it feels like to suffocate

Time Lag

Everything is beautiful, even when the tears are falling.


Since our mission began in Colorado, all 5 of us have had to encounter trials happening far away from us. My roomie Chasity was homesick and wanting to leave for the first 2 weeks. Each day was filled with tears until she made herself sick, throwing up and taken to the doctor. Then I found out Robert Hargrove was moving and that broke my heart. I've learned not to be too attached to people for fear of them leaving but I sometimes, people walk in your life and you cannot help how much they inspire you, teach you and make their way into your heart. I fear abandonment, I have always. And strangely enough, though I know the Hargroves were not abandoning us/ me neccessarily, the hurts of my past, being left by my father, being broken up with, being shouted at by a drunk friend, they all rose from their graves. I had to relive those scary moments in my life and remember that God is still God.

Soon after, Hope found out that her parents lost the house they had put a down payment on. Then Ashley's friend Brooke died in a freak accident at a parade where a car spun out of control and ran into a crowd injuring 18, killing 7. Brooke at 18 years of age was one of them. Today we found out that Callie's dad has cancer. He was admitted into the hospital last week for what they thought was a heart attack. Turns out that he has spots in his lungs and his brain. They don't know what kind of cancer it is.

So many trials.

Amidst that, I know that God is sovereign. He is in control. But I know that this is a time for testing for all of us. Are we going to hold on to His hands or simply let go?

I came to Colorado seeking healing. I knew that this would mean that I'd have to confront all the hurts and wounds of the past. Each week there seems to be something new that God lays on my heart. But with each hurt, there has been verses from the Word, encouragement from my mentor here, music that helps me breathe again and the mountains that constantly decorate my view. I remember that hope never fails us because our hope is in Christ.

I can't believe how much God has already taught me. I have become more discipline in memorizing verses because of something Joe Ricks, my supervisor said. He said that we can never know when we are going to be faced with trial but we can do whatever it takes to be prepared for it. Spending time in prayer, seeking His word, memorizing/hiding scripture in our hearts. We can do that.

My mentor said that we, people in ministry, we are at the frontlines of the battle with the enemy. Each day, we have to equipp ourselves with our weapons, discpline ourselves in the Word and be ready. Soldiers do not know what mission they will have till the day of or hour of, but they spend all that time in training to be prepared.

I've learned that knowing who your God is, is so important during trial. Because when all else fails, knowing how big your God is, what He can do, will bring you hope.

I have had lots of time to learn, but not enough to reflect and that's prob why I haven't written alot. Most of the time, I find myself sitting in a grassy field or laying under the stars on a mountain and just appreciating what I see...knowing that my Creator did this all for me.

It's overwhelming.

So I encourage you, reader. Remember the beautiful in the pain. Because it is where God's hand meets your heart.

I love you all!